Dearest Dani,
It's October 2025!
Looking at the calendar, I'm realizing that this might be the month where we don't see each other in some online or real life capacity maybe since January or February or so. My heart caves in at this thought.1 I feel moved by the closeness of our relationship,2 and saddened the sunsetting of our project together.3
So — luckily you aren't my planner and I am not your client anymore. So goodbye to them and hello friend.
As a friend, I hope you're open to helping me feel out a question?
A theme that has been on my mind, how has our relationship changed me? In some ways I'm jealous because you have the framework and client base and sample size to evaluate 10/10 wedding clients from 2-3, 6-7 and the like. We both agree that what makes a 10 requires a special something else, which is a good starting point to soothing my ache.
On my side of the line, my wedding is a deeply personal and intimate idea and I only have one shot. Still, numbers don't feel adequate to really describe the synergies, dynamisms, and passion that we exchanged. I don't doubt there are wonderful and skilled planners out there that would have been able to move through our process and produce a great day. I am certain though, there's nobody else we'd rather go through this portal with than you. You can't start a fire without a spark.
I gained a lot of insight from our conversation last week. Thank you for being so patient with me, and accepting the avalanche of questions I asked with so much sincerity. I forgot to mention at dinner that I listened to your grandfather's lecture about dreams at least 3 times. What touched me the most was his quality of listening to the audience, navigating their uncertainty with ease, confidence and play: the feeling of accomplishment and satisfaction of everyone in the room once the lecture was over (I kept on wanting to go back there, hence repeat offender). As your friend, I'm obligated to tell you how beautiful your inheritance is, how you carry him with you in the way you move through the world.
Journeying through dreams and weddings are similar. Weddings are grand rituals that can take us out of ordinary life into something deep, tender and moving. Like dreams, they should be treated with dignity, respect, and attuned to the wisdom of truth. And too, too bad that dreams are largely ignored. Terrible that weddings can morph and evolve into a kind of intense and demanding commercial exercise, that can be degrading, dull, and alienating as any job.
I can recognize how fortunate it was to collaborate on a project that felt aligned with your aspirations for your brand, challenged your skillset, and allowed you to access a feeling of joy and desire above the ordinariness of the genuine work that comes with organizing/planning. Catching that wave and learning to ride it is all we're here to do in this life.4
Admittedly, I hadn't expected that wedding planning would do the same for me. Part of my resistance to getting engaged was from the dread of planning a wedding. I was self aware enough then to realize that I hadn't acquired enough ego strength to go through with what was aligned with my desires.
Through your guidance, belief, and tending I was able to stop being a sick animal about it and give myself permission to go there.5 Discipline, order, meetings, a place on a map helped set limits. Feelings of safety and encouragement massaged hardened kernels into orbits of enjoyment. Passion and energy followed, and the routine of endless tasks became much easier and enjoyable.6 The shape and monster desire of the project began to take form. It was such a pleasure to feed it. I relished every moment!
I wouldn't say that I'm in love with weddings, but I am very interested in the idea of "work". What are we supposed to do here on this big blue berry? I have a strong fidelity to mine the wellsprings inside me that call to be actualized. When I don't, life is less alive. It feels so good to be around people who understand that. It's a rare honor to work with people who have the courage to live that too: people like you Dani.
A naive confession from me: despite your continued affection, passion, and excitement through our planning process and the day itself, there's a small part of me that just thought you were just doing your job, that you felt this way toward all your clients (despite your many authentic and explicit expressions of genuine joy and passion for the project we built together).
I can appreciate NOW how truthful, personal, and deep your comments were. I missed the fullness of both your sparkle and the magnitude of generosity in such an act.7 I hope that you can appreciate the transparency from my side as nothing but as sincere — this wasn't a work project, so there's less professionalism. Which is to say, no mask. All my joy and affection is an authentic expression of life reverberating through me.
Devotion has an energy that can't be broken down and replicated with ease. I think it'll come and go but I'm learning how to sow seeds and appreciate the flowers we have. How deep the well is never ceases to amaze or astonish me. I know I am in good company with you, cupid!!
My summer petals are falling, and I'm glad for it. The future, with new adventures, relationships and challenges is rushing towards me asking me to be ready for it. We'll see how I do, but I'm certainly better for it because of what we've been through!
Thank you for changing me, there's a new warm tender place in my heart because of you. I Love you lots!
Michele
1 a new feeling of heartbreak? ↩
2 I took advantage of our arms length meeting cadence!? ↩
3 once this review is submitted, are we cut loose? ↩
4 I'm glad to have played a small part in creating a playpen for that joy, but really it's your effort that fills the space! ↩
5 FINALLY. Clearly needed the healing. ↩
6 In spite of my groans. I consider it now evidence of good work! ↩
7 Luckily, it happened reflexively and in time. Who would have known how it could have grown (or implode!). Importantly, the onus is on me to bring to light my sincere adoration. ↩